Entering Chel Owen’s Terrible Poetry Contest – 3 Attempts

Herb’s Blog, Herbdate 23691 – 1230

Here’s The Haps:

One of the large number of blogs I follow, Chel Owens, runs an occasional “Terrible Poetry Contest” where the rules are normally made by the previous winner. This particular contest is a bit different because she makes the rules (You can read them here if you’re interested). That isn’t all she does and if you’ve never been to her blog, you may want to go and poke around a little bit. She writes about her Mormon beliefs, being a mother of seven boys, life in general, touring Utah, her own (good) poetry, and other stuff. Here are my entries this year:

Everybody Has An Angle

Angles we have heard on high
Ninety degrees and forty-five
Can’t stay awake, Barely alive
If I hear more math I won’t survive

Oh! Oooooh! Oh! Ooooohh! Oh! Ooooohh!
Do I hate math!
Arithmetic is awful!
Oh! Oooooh! Oh! Ooooohh! Oh! Ooooohh!
Do I hate math!
Arithmetic is awful!

Come to the principal straightway
Your attitude he will adjust
“I hate math,” you must not say
Phone your parents now he must

Oh! Oooooh! Oh! Ooooohh! Oh! Ooooohh!
Do I hate math!
Arithmetic is awful!
Oh! Oooooh! Oh! Ooooohh! Oh! Ooooohh!
Do I hate math!
Arithmetic is awful!

“Figure this out,” says my dad
“Christmas time is drawing nigh”
“If you don’t get these grades up, boy
You can kiss that new X-Box goodbye”

Ow! Owwwwww! Ow! Owwwwww! Oww! Ouch!
I can’t sit down!
I really want to do math now!
Ow! Owwwwww! Ow! Owwwwww! Oww! Ouch!
I can’t sit down!
I really want to do math now!

I promise not to be obtuse
My love for math is now acute
Angles are something I can use
Teacher I will not refute

---

The Halls Will Sue You

Decked the Halls with boughs of holly
fa la la la la la la la la la
Grandpa Hall was none too jolly
fa la la la la la la la la la
He came after me with his cane
fa la la la la la la la la
Clobbered me and damaged my brain
fa la la la la la la la la la

Fast away from a man with a cane now
fa la la la la la la la la la
I am trying to run away now
fa la la la la la la la la la
I promise to deck the Halls no longer
fa la la la la la la la la la
Restraining order makes my vow stronger
fa la la la la la la la la la

---

Poor Grandpa

Christmas is coming and
Grandpa’s getting fat
All he needs is some money
In his Santa hat
If you haven’t any money
Some chocolate will do
And if you haven’t any chocolate
I’m sorry for you

Sorry for you
Sorry for you
If you haven’t any chocolate
I’m sorry for you