Patricia Gets A New Job

Herb’s Blog, Herbdate 22958 – 1037

Here’s the haps:

Patricia Whack had had more than enough. Like many customer service types she just kind of burnt out on the whole thing. The last straw had been that whole incident with Kermit Jagger over at the bank. It was ridiculous to accept that little knick-knack for collateral but her boss had been right. He should have just made it a signature loan, though. But overall she did like the good feeling she got from helping people out of a tight spot and sifting out the charlatans and rogues; crooks, that tried to beset the business. She was very excited to go to work at her new job at the pawn shop every day.

She was learning a lot about a wide variety of things and she was finding out things about herself, as well. For instance, she discovered that she was a lot tougher than she realized. She happily discovered she wasn’t as shallow as she used to be, either. She was more compassionate and understanding these days and, working in her current job she had developed a good portion of cynicism and snark as well. She felt good about herself, she was well-liked by coworkers and customers alike, and almost always hit bonus.

She was surprised to see Kermit Jagger walk in one day with a bundle under his arm. They exchanged pleasantries and then he set the bundle on the counter. He unwrapped it and showed her a bright, golden-colored star.

“This is a solid gold Christmas tree topper. My dad says it’s been in the family for years and it’s worth a lot of money. I really need some quick cash and would like to get a thousand dollars for it, if I could.”

She could tell he was sincere and hated to break the news to him but she said, “I’m sorry, Kermit, but somebody sold your family a bill of goods. There’s no gold in it.”

“How can you be so sure?”

She picked it up and hefted it in her hand and breathed on it like people who were trying to sell gold expect you to do. The weight of the object in her hands confirmed what she could already see. “There’s no gold in it. It doesn’t weigh enough and here, let me show you something else.” She pulled a large horseshoe magnet from beneath the counter and the star just flew right to it.

“I see.” She could see he was seriously dejected and angry at himself for being such a fool. He had no proof that it had even belonged to his family, let alone the provenance of it. He was stuck.

“Look, it being Christmas time and all, I can give you ten dollars for it, but that’s all.”

“But,” he was going to grasp at the final straw, “But, what about my fame and celebrity status?”

“I’m really sorry, but, when you wish to pawn a star it makes no difference who you are.”