NaBloPoMo Day 21 – Jokes Can Be (And Often Are) Recycled – I Was Home Schooled?

Herb’s Blog, Herbdate 22570 – 883

Here’s the haps:

I found this in my email archive. It’s about 7 years old. Larry T. sent it to me back then. One of the joys of Gmail is you can keep stuff forever. It’s not as old as some of the stuff I’ve posted though.

My generation was HOME SCHOOLED in many ways.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
   “If you’re going to kill each other do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
   “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
   “If you don’t straighten up I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My father taught me LOGIC.
   “Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
   “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck you’re not going to the store with me.”

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
   “Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you’re in an accident.”

7. My father taught me IRONY.
   “Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
   “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
   “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
    “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
    “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
    “If I told you once I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”

13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
    “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out…”

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
    “Stop acting like your father!”

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
    “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
    “Just wait until we get home.”

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
    “You are going to get it from your father when you get home!”

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
    “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes they are going to get stuck that way.”

19. My mother taught me ESP
    “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

20. My father taught me HUMOR.
    “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes don’t come running to me.”

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
    “If you don’t eat your vegetables you’ll never grow up.”

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
    “You’re just like your father.”

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
    “Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
    “When you get to be my age you’ll understand.

25. My father taught me about JUSTICE.
    “One day you’ll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you.”