A Sobriety Test and A Dog Named Mace

Sobriety Test
A Connecticut trooper pulled a car over for speeding about 20 miles from the N.Y. line on I-95. When the officer asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and juggler and was on his way to White Plains to do a show that night and didn’t want to be late.

The patrolman told the driver that he was fascinated by juggling; and if the driver would do a little juggling for him, he wouldn’t give him a ticket. The juggler told him that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn’t have anything to juggle.

The patrolman told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the patrolman got three flares, lit them, and handed them to the juggler.

While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled up behind the patrol car and a drunk got out. The drunk watched the show, then stumbled over to the patrol car, opened the back door and got in.

The trooper saw him do this and went over to his car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk replied, “Just take me to jail …There ain’t no way I’m gonna pass that sobriety test!”

A Dog Named Mace
A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named Mace. Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass in the mechanic’s lawn, so the mechanic had to keep Mace inside. The grass eventually became overgrown, however, because the mechanic was so busy.

One day the mechanic was working on a car in his backyard and, as mechanics are sometimes wont to do, got a little angry and threw his wrench, losing it in the tall grass. He couldn’t find it for the life of him, so he decided to call it a day.

During the night, Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in the backyard. The next morning the mechanic went outside and saw his wrench glinting in the sunlight. Realizing what had happened he looked up to the heavens and proclaimed…

He proclaimed: “A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me!”